This week was a bad one: I had crippling migraines which was very unsettling, meaning that that I couldn't concentrate at work and had to leave early and every loud noise (including Matt blasting Taking Back Sunday from the kitchen lol) would make me cry at the internal throbbing. The last time this happened was my final year university exams where I couldn't eat for a week (I know, me, not eat) because I couldn't move from the migraines.
Enough of my pains, thank you again for all the great discussion in my previous post – I had no idea it would get so many different opinions and I'm always so enlightened whenever we get so many perspectives from everyone all over!
Which brings me to today's also 'controversial' (cue o m g Cherie can you like, stop) topic of... herd thinking.
IT'S HARD TO FIND SOMEONE WHO DISAGREES WITH YOU
I've written a couple of more outwardly posts, like how I struggle to love fashion, the sameness of the blogging community and of course, my previous post on how the term 'girlboss' is overused – and ironically, the single and most glaring truth was that everyone agreed with me and each other!
Not that anything is wrong about that - I loved hearing all your thoughts on the topics, yet I found that the lack of disagreement slightly worrying. Not in the sense of doomsday, but this made me realise that we live in a well-insulated echo chamber and spend a lot of our time with people who think and act in the same way. Which is typical of everyone, because you want to get along with someone without breaking into a fight. Duh.
But especially in the blogging community, I really struggle to find someone who actually disagrees with you.
It's all very well to have people support you in your beliefs, thoughts and principles but surely this isn't healthy when it comes to personal development? The very idea of disagreement seems to me, a cornerstone in which world views are able to shape themselves to what they are today: through iterative rhetorics, persuasion, a change in opinion, and to final conciliation based on intersecting opinions.
I find one-sided beliefs to be bullshit (there, I said it) – taking next month's UK General Election as an example (I know I'm wading into dangerous territory here), the 'brewing warrior justice' i.e how you should vote a certain way, really irked me because every time someone does it, it only perpetuates the idea of a categorical imperative (sobseu my philosophy loving self is so proud right now) and inverse is immediately disqualified. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground: e.g. if you vote Conservative, you're a bad person automatically and I'mma have to delete you off Facebook...
YOU'RE ENTITLED TO HAVE YOUR OWN BELIEFS
Politics aside, I have a sense that people tend to agree with a more popular idea simply because it's popular and nothing else. I find that both amusing and disconcerting - great if you agree but it's likewise not wrong if you have a different opinion when your favourite blogger says something you completely disagree with; we're entitled to our own beliefs and I don't believe that's harmful.
It's difficult to imagine any personal growth without challenges to your core beliefs. After all, skepticism and disagreement are supposed to reaffirm, if not strengthen what you already know to be true. We sometimes try very hard to avoid speaking to anyone who deviates from the crowd because we don't like confrontation or arguments, and politely take our leave without saying anything else.
And because you think it was polite to leave the conversation, the narrative of what could have been a strong counterpoint is now lost to the world.
I know that circumstances prevent certain matters from being discussed, but it feels intuitive, that if and when given the chance, saying your mind doesn't have to be all bad. If you say it in a respectful and logical way, of course.
WE ARE AFRAID THAT WE TOO, MAY CHANGE
The online world is a scary place: pretty bloggers who we worship and can do no wrong have claimed their respective girl squads, and they face off the nasty challengers against the former's saintly presence. You're either in support or against them and god forbid, your disapproval of either somehow results in a alienated opinion that floats in limbo.
I think that a lot of people (myself include) are sometimes to scared to disagree with what has been said - or feel pressured to agree - because we are afraid that we too, may change in the process of what seems to be the right order in the universe.
Labels are being tossed around and if you're one second too late, you're now a weird outsider who thinks fresh flowers are often a waste of money (how dare you) and Charlotte Tilbury lipsticks are not worth that much hype - even here I held back by saying 'often' and 'that much', something that I fear that if said out loud everyone would gasp and look at me weird!
What's life without a bit of differences in values and cultures? It would be a brutish nightmare that's what.
I think a lot of people care for, and even value disagreement, because feedback has always valuable thing - lessons learnt, mistakes to be avoided and continuous improvement... And while it's taken me a while to accept that sometimes I may say the wrong things, it's not the end of the world if I occasionally express an opinion that's not the norm.
Unfortunately there have been occasions where I leave comments on other blog posts with why I don't agree with this person's admiration of X, Y or Z and be met with the cold shoulder treatment. Not that I care, but it does make me wonder whether we're all living in an unending mobius strip of people-pleasing and saccharine words that don't have much meaning.
Engaging in opposition doesn't always mean you're the bad person, and you're totally and unapologetically allowed to disagree with me here.
OUTIFT: Top - Reserved (from Hamburg!) / Jeans - H&M / Bag - Korea / Earrings - Sfera
Ending with a gif to lighten the mood and as usual, leave your thoughts below! We're off to a Eurovision party soon.... (yikes)
, by Cherie Koh